I’m only going to say this once. Frankly, I shouldn’t have to say it at all. It’s common sense. It’s the sort of universal truth everyone is aware of without ever needing to be told. You were born knowing this. Flute does not belong in Rock-n-Roll. Duh right? It’s a bit like telling someone that the fire extinguisher is for, you know, extinguishing fires. Of course you know where I’m headed… Straight… Read More

ATTENTION ALL MUSICIANS: Regardless of your chosen instrument or preferred genre, DO NOT under any circumstances consider covering AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” You can’t pull it off. You will fail. You will embarrass yourself. Allow me to elaborate… Let’s begin by meticulously dissecting “You Shook Me All Night Long” beginning with the historical significance of the Back In Black album when it was released in the summer of 1980. If… Read More

“The holidays are upon us” always sounds to me as if the barbarian hordes have breached the castle walls and are laying waste to our entire way of life. Maybe that’s just my family. Anyway, I’m sure Christmas at your house is fine. Of course, if you do find yourself being marauded by savages enjoying the warm embrace of family, there is a silver lining. In the smoldering rubble you may find… Read More

Who can forget that time in 1986 when the Swedish King of Heavy Metal Guitar Wonks Yngwie J. Malmsteen released his third solo album Trilogy? Most of us as it turns out. Which is sad, because it sports one of the most perfectly clichéd heavy metal album covers ever to grace the shelves of your local Tower Records. It depicts a sole guitar hero (the band apparently had the day off) battling… Read More

October 1983: Riding a wave of press attention and resurgent album sales following the removal of their iconic makeup, Kiss makes the highly questionable decision to begin the video for their single “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose” by physically assaulting three homeless men. What were they thinking?

**UPDATE 8/1/16** While we were able to finish our work on the giant cowboy robot dinosaur, we were not able to convince it to do our bidding. After a brief rampage, our abomination wondered into a nearby lake where it short-circuited and shut down. We decided to leave it where it was. In the end, we learned a valuable lesson. It turns out that programming a giant cowboy robot dinosaur with an… Read More

They Might Be Giants “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” This was a cover song? Yep. Like a lot of people I just assumed a goofy song like this could only have sprung from the collective silliness of They Might Be Giants. I was wrong. Turns out it’s a “jazz” song released by The Four Lads in 1953. Orgy “Blue Monday” I don’t know where this band came from or where they went, but their… Read More

I don’t think I’ll never stop being fascinated by bad album art. A bad album cover is the perfect representation of my favorite comedy premise, the shared delusion of a group of wildly enthusiastic morons. Few things are funnier than a group of self-important idiots who have convinced themselves that something undeniably awful is actually pretty cool. This Is Spinal Tap and other “mockumentaries” are based almost entirely on this setup. Of… Read More

I’m guessing that the thinking is pretty simple. Take one music superstar and add another music superstar to yield double the star power (and double the sales!). Seems logical. So why has this line of reasoning so consistently produced some of the worst songs imaginable? I blame drugs. After all, can you imagine a completely sober person wanting to hear Frank Sinatra sing a song with Bono? Raise your hand if you… Read More

…Our story begins with a very likeable, but somewhat aimless high school senior being dumped by his girlfriend on the day of graduation. Now crestfallen, our young hero sulks around the house being annoyed by his bratty little sister until his infinitely understanding mother makes a suggestion. Why doesn’t our hero spend the summer at the lake? He can house sit for his eccentric aunt while she sails around the world with… Read More