1+1 = Awful

I’m guessing that the thinking is pretty simple. Take one music superstar and add another music superstar to yield double the star power (and double the sales!). Seems logical. So why has this line of reasoning so consistently produced some of the worst songs imaginable? I blame drugs. After all, can you imagine a completely sober person wanting to hear Frank Sinatra sing a song with Bono? Raise your hand if you wanted to hear Nelly and Tim McGraw collaborate. No? Congratulations, you passed the drug screening.

I bring this up because this week marks the anniversary of the 1984 release of Michael Jackson and Mick Jagger’s collaboration on the song “State of Shock.” (A title which no doubt refers to Keith Richards reaction upon hearing about Michael Jackson and Mick Jagger collaborating.) Now, after 32 years I think it’s time that we ended these kinds of musical abominations.

That’s why I’m proposing the creation of a bipartisan group of music writers, producers, artists and fans who will issue licenses to any established artist (or actor) who wishes to take part in a duet. Any artist (or actor) who participates in a duet without a license will be forced to spend a week in solitary confinement listening to Elton John & Luciano Pavarotti perform “Live Like Horses” on a continuous loop.

My hope is that in addition to preventing another “Islands in the Stream,” we may also bring the country some unity in this time of unprecedented political divisiveness. After all, what could be more uplifting then working together to insure that future generations never have to endure another Dolly Parton/Sylvester Stallone duet.

Not convinced? Click the play button and tell me I’m wrong.

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