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ATTENTION ALL MUSICIANS: Regardless of your chosen instrument or preferred genre, DO NOT under any circumstances consider covering AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” You can’t pull it off. You will fail. You will embarrass yourself. Allow me to elaborate… Let’s begin by meticulously dissecting “You Shook Me All Night Long” beginning with the historical significance of the Back In Black album when it was released in the summer of 1980. If… Read More

yngwie-trilogy

Who can forget that time in 1986 when the Swedish King of Heavy Metal Guitar Wonks Yngwie J. Malmsteen released his third solo album Trilogy? Most of us as it turns out. Which is sad, because it sports one of the most perfectly clichéd heavy metal album covers ever to grace the shelves of your local Tower Records. It depicts a sole guitar hero (the band apparently had the day off) battling… Read More

kiss-action-figures

October 1983: Riding a wave of press attention and resurgent album sales following the removal of their iconic makeup, Kiss makes the highly questionable decision to begin the video for their single “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose” by physically assaulting three homeless men. What were they thinking?

robot_cowboy_dinosaur_by_molassive-d2xv6tf

**UPDATE 8/1/16** While we were able to finish our work on the giant cowboy robot dinosaur, we were not able to convince it to do our bidding. After a brief rampage, our abomination wondered into a nearby lake where it short-circuited and shut down. We decided to leave it where it was. In the end, we learned a valuable lesson. It turns out that programming a giant cowboy robot dinosaur with an… Read More

Clickbait

Essentially, internet clickbait creators are utilizing the same deception that’s served fortune tellers and astrologists well for eons. Tell people what they want to hear, and you’ll never go broke.

Bad music

Back in December I wrote about a few criminally overlooked cover songs. For music fans, hearing a different artist bring new perspective to a great song is nothing short of sublime. The trouble is, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Often times the original recording, by the original artist, represents the true pinnacle of that songs potential. It’s for that reason that cover songs are a dicey business. Here are a… Read More

attends the 2010 NAMM Show - Day 2 at the Anaheim Convention Center on January 15, 2010 in Anaheim, California.

I never really cared for Ted Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever.” The main riff always reminded me of a warped version of Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water.” But that’s not the only reason. Besides being uninspired musically, I could never take it seriously after I found out that Cat Scratch Fever was an actual disease. Of course I’m keenly aware that Ted Nugent wasn’t actually writing about subacute regional lymphadenitis (the less… Read More

Well, Valentine’s Day has come and gone. I don’t know what your significant other did for you, but I have a pretty good idea what they didn’t do. They didn’t make you a mixtape. That’s a shame. Nothing quite has the nerdy romantic earnestness of being handed a cassette that someone spent hours putting together. You know that hours of thought went in to picking just the right songs. But, it’s more… Read More

Riot-Fire Down Under Cover

I’ve written before about the demise of the Album Era, and how music in general has been devalued in the age of the mp3. I make no bones about it, I’m nostalgic for a time when albums mattered. But my melancholy isn’t strictly about the music. One aspect of this tragic shift that often gets overlooked is the death of album cover art. Does anyone even know what the cover of Adele’s… Read More

So, everyone’s talking about the lottery. Again. It seems like every couple of years the Powerball jackpot gets high enough to make it everyone’s favorite small talk topic. What would you do with the money? Did you by your tickets? I never understood this. No matter how high the jackpot gets, I know one thing is absolutely certain. I will not win. Not just because I refuse to buy a ticket, but… Read More